With a Grateful Heart...

Thanksgiving is coming!! I adore this holiday, but bittersweet is the best way to describe it.

I get crazy homesick at this time of the year.  Fall is beautiful in Mississippi, but there is NOTHING like New England autumn.  I love this weather, the fall leaves, the bonfires, the family get - togethers. But I miss my home, and I  miss Jane and I miss Jeremy. We lost Jeremy 7 years ago, about a month after Abby was born and about a week before Joy's wedding. My niece and my oldest son also celebrate their birthday in the Fall. Jeremy's death is sandwiched in there between birthdays and joyful wedding memories. He struggled. He wasn't easy, but I miss his goofy self singing the strawberry shortcake song with Lizzie and yelling LOUDLY at the TV watching football. Honestly, that young man drove me crazy but I miss him. Jane was easy to love.  She was pleasant, and faithful and steady.  I looked forward to Thanksgiving every year because I knew that amidst the craziness of our family would come a voice of reason from Alabama.  We lost her in the Spring of few years back, and I always miss her more when Thanksgiving rolls around.

For me, this time of the year is a perfect blend of beauty and ashes.  It hurts, but it's lovely.  My memories are sweet, and the longing is bitter.  Sometimes, you can't separate the hurt from the joy. Sometimes, it comes in one bundle, and you hold it in your shaking hand, and think "I don't want this." but you have it. And all you can do is clench your fist, let the sorrow and pain drip through fingers, and caress the remaining broken and beautiful memories. 

I'm thankful I have sweet memories of both of these loved ones.

What are you thankful for?